Social Conformity

Much of the social conformity that comes naturally to the rest of us originates from innately knowing and following the social rules without thought. We act, think and do things the way we do because that is just how they are done in our world, no questions asked. We have assimilated the expected behavior through our psychological WIFI.
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Do you think people with autism can lie?

While being a “rule-follower” is often part of the personality and character make up of an individual on the spectrum, sometimes to the extreme that we might feel like they are policing a situation, that doesn’t necessarily correlate to always telling the truth. I regularly get asked the question “do you think people with autism can lie?” My answer to that is yes, but with a caveat. My experience is that my loved ones on the spectrum are not untruthful people. To the contrary, they are often very straightforward and honest about things that other people might address with a white lie or with an answer with a response that avoids the truth to some degree. Their tendency to see life in black and white rather than in shades of gray may cause them to create a hard line between their idea of the truth and a lie. That makes the subtler form of a white lie impossible (even the kind we might tell to spare someone’s feelings if they ask if we like their new haircut and it looks like it was done by Edward Scissorhands). Read more

Meet Them Where They Are

Trying to force someone with autism to do it “right,” or like the rest of us, is like trying to force a left-handed person to function in a right-handed way. It can be done, and some people with autism can learn to look very “right handed,” very socially acceptable, but at what cost?

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The Times 10 Intensity Rule of Thumb – Jeanne Beard- Founder, National Autism Academy

People with a social disability deserve a deep respect and compassion because living in their world requires a great deal of effort—constant and concerted effort. On a regular basis, they must force themselves to participate in painful social contact to survive in our culture. That is like the rest of us asking ourselves to willingly […]

Suit up and show up

One of the best pieces of advice I ever got, was “Suit up and show up.” Woody Allen once said “80 percent of success is showing up.” And so it is… Certainly, if you don’t show up, your likelihood of success in any endeavor is hugely diminished. You can’t win a game you won’t play. But showing up is more than just physically being present. It’s also about arriving mentally ready for an opportunity and suiting up speaks to much more than just the physical clothes you wear. It also speaks to the positive mental attitude that you are on the bench, ready and eager to get into the game with the expectation of a positive outcome.

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One Day a Time

I remember years ago, in the final week of school before Christmas, when my son with ASD was failing several classes in middle school, I couldn’t get him interested in anything but video games, and his favorite pastime was kicking his brother down the stairs, I hit overwhelm! The crowning blow came at 5:30 a.m. one morning as I scrambled to pick up the clothes, dishes and garbage from the floor of his bedroom before the cleaning lady arrived to clean (in itself it is immensely frustrating that he won’t keep his room picked up, but in my world this issue has been consigned to the category of picking your battles. As a working mother, I just didn’t have enough capacity to fight the clean room issue every day). I was on parental max-out.

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Do you have a PhD in autism?

I don’t have a university issued PhD, although I often wish I did; sometimes I even beat myself up for not knowing more. Yet in many ways, I know so much more than those educated PhD’s, who have no idea (ok maybe they have theoretical knowledge, but no personally invested emotional experience) about what it feels like to live in the shoes of a parent with a child on the autism spectrum. On some level, they just can’t relate, no matter how much they want to, or how hard they try.

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Coming to Terms with Life with Autism (Part 2)

As our understanding of autism grows, we adapt our methods of relating and communicating to better suit our autistic loved one’s understanding of the world. Because those individuals with autism are not receiving and integrating social information like the rest of us, their motivation and social frame of reference is very different. As a result, their behavior can appear offensive to the uninformed bystander.

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Coming to Terms with Life with Autism (Part 1)

Autism takes many forms, and is very misunderstood in the general population. The old stereotype of a child, rocking in a corner, unable to speak or function still comes to mind for many. I see this in the faces of people when I tell them that my son is autistic. People don’t know what to expect.

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One of the Biggest Mistakes We Make as Parents is to Cling to Unrealistic Beliefs About our Child’s Future

One of the biggest mistakes we make as parents of children on the autism spectrum is to cling to unrealistic beliefs about our child’s future.

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